Life can be so sweet
On the sunny side of discreet

MY BASICS
I am a:

Man
Looking for a:

Woman
Interested in:

A long-term relationship based on honesty and trust under assumed names
Age:

38
Location:

Two Timing, Texas
Height:

5’ 10” in sneakers
Weight:

185 lbs naked; 189 lbs with fake glasses, nose, and ears
Hair:

Afro wig for highway rest stop interludes; Burt Reynolds wig for meeting in poorly-lit bars
Eyes:

Constantly scanning the room for anybody who might recognize me
Birthmark:  White discoloration around ring finger
Occupation:

Polygraph machine salesman
Education:

I have degrees from over 30 online universities.
Ethnicity:  Macarenian
Religion:

Lexlutheran
Star Sign:  It depends, what’s yours?

MORE ABOUT ME 

 Proudest accomplishment
Convincing Katie Couric to pay for the hotel room

 Last great book I read
“101 Great Aliases” by John Smith, AKA John Jones

 Music that puts me in the mood
Scott Peterson Sings the Cole Porter Songbook

 Favorite movie
 An Affair to Remember

 My perfect getaway weekend
 Weekends are kind of tough for me to get away, but what could be more romantic than few hours on a weekday afternoon at any Days Inn?

 The five items I can't live without
My high school Perfect Attendance award that looks just like a Congressional Medal of Honor medal; a good alibi; the story about how I recently found out my wife has a lesbian lover; the story about how my wife recently died; the story about how my wife recently died in the arms of her lesbian lover

 Turn ons
 Polygraph machine groupies; intimate dinners in a secluded restaurant in a secluded town in a secluded state; slow dancing behind the local Dunkin’ Donuts; making it through an evening without being asked to show my ID.

 Turn offs
Women who try to call me at home; women who hire detectives; hotel clerks who ask if I want my usual room; having my integrity questioned -- while impersonating a minister

EVEN MORE ABOUT ME

My motto is: one date at a time. Being in love means never having to explain why everybody in the restaurant keeps referring to me by another name. I also believe that love is a many splendid thing, whether it’s in a darkened booth at an Outback Steakhouse or in the back seat of a Toyota Corolla. Above all, I’d like to meet someone who likes me for who I say I am and not who she thinks I am.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

I’d like to meet a woman who isn’t obsessed with material things like money, cars, boats, last-known address, DNA samples, and birth certificates. You should be interested in getting to know the real me, and not whether I have any kids or how come I’m never available on holidays. You should also understand that selling polygraph machines requires irregular hours, sometimes in hotel rooms that rent by the hour. If you’d like to get together, send me an e-mail and we can arrange a time, place, and password.