Recently divorced man seeks caring woman to listen to his side of the story

MY BASICS
I am a:

Man
Looking for a:

Woman
Interested in:

An improvement over my last relationship
Age:

48 (testicles still intact)
Location:

Alimony City
Height:

Tall enough to see beyond her lies
Weight:

Not sure, I lost the scale in the divorce.
Hair:

Pulled out by the fistful
Eyes:

Capable of seeing through her deception
Body type:

Beaten down but not defeated
Occupation:

Freelance pest control technician
Education:

Certificate of completion, anger management course
Ethnicity:

Dutch but I could pass for Austrian
Religion:

Eastern Orthodox Scientologist
Star Sign:

Sagittarius rising with prospects sinking

MORE ABOUT ME 

Proudest accomplishment
Not allowing all the jerks in the world get the better of me

Last great book I read
 Revenge for Dummies

Music that puts me in the mood
 Your Cheating Heart

Favorite films
 Look Back in Anger, 12 Angry men, Fist of Anger

My perfect getaway weekend
Sitting in my car, parked in front of my ex-wife's house for which I'm still paying the mortgage

The five items I can't live without
 Stress ball, punching bag, baseball bat, my one child who hasn't turned on me, my last shred of dignity 

Turn ons
 Smiles -- if they're sincere; puppy dogs -- if they're loyal; scenarios of revenge; the right combination of Valium, Prozac, and Viagra

Turn offs
 Conniving divorce lawyers, alimony checks, restraining orders, trumped up charges, police station holding cells

EVEN MORE ABOUT ME

If you're looking for an honest, no nonsense kind of guy, then I'm your man. I've always been a straight shooter -- regardless of whether I'm allowed to carry a firearm or not. Although my first marriage didn't last as long as I would have liked, it did give me a better perspective on relationships as well as four great kids, one with whom I'm still on speaking terms. Above all, I pride myself on my ability to move on with my life. I enjoy spending time in my new "bachelor" studio apartment, which has more than enough room to hold everything my lawyer (never hire your cousin) was able to get me in my divorce settlement. But as much as I enjoy my quiet times sitting by myself and reminiscing about what might have been, my life would be fuller if I could share it with that one special person.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

I don't really have a specific idea about how you should look. My ex was pretty voluptuous, but I wouldn't hold it against you for being flat as a board. Besides, that's what implants are for. She also had short hair, so you could always cut yours. I like a woman who doesn't carry around a lot of emotional baggage. There'll be plenty of time to talk about your life after I've finished talking about mine. I'd love to meet someone with whom I can create new memories, like spending an evening in my favorite restaurant without even thinking that we're sitting at the table where I proposed to my ex. Or staying at the Holiday Inn where my PI tracked her down. The important thing is that, like me, you want to start a fresh life. It would also be great if you could change your name to Agnes.