|
MY
BASICS |
|
I am a: |
Man |
|
Looking for
a: |
Woman |
|
Interested
in: |
An improvement
over my last relationship |
|
Age: |
48 (testicles still intact) |
|
Location: |
Alimony City |
|
Height: |
Tall enough to
see beyond her lies |
|
Weight: |
Not sure, I
lost the scale in the divorce. |
|
Hair: |
Pulled out by the fistful |
|
Eyes: |
Capable of seeing through
her deception |
|
Body
type: |
Beaten down but not defeated |
|
Occupation: |
Freelance pest control technician |
| Education: |
Certificate of completion, anger management course |
| Ethnicity: |
Dutch but I
could pass for Austrian |
| Religion: |
Eastern Orthodox
Scientologist |
|
Star Sign: |
Sagittarius
rising with prospects sinking |
|
MORE
ABOUT ME |
|
Proudest
accomplishment
Not allowing all the jerks in the world get the
better of me
Last great book I read
Revenge for Dummies
Music that puts me in the mood
Your Cheating Heart
Favorite films
Look Back in Anger, 12 Angry men, Fist of Anger
My perfect
getaway weekend
Sitting in my car, parked in front of my ex-wife's house
for which I'm still paying the mortgage
The five items I can't live without
Stress ball, punching bag, baseball bat, my one child who hasn't turned on me, my last shred of dignity
Turn
ons
Smiles -- if they're sincere; puppy dogs -- if they're loyal; scenarios of revenge; the right combination of Valium, Prozac, and Viagra
Turn
offs
Conniving divorce lawyers, alimony checks, restraining orders, trumped up charges, police station holding cells |
|
EVEN
MORE ABOUT ME
|
|
If you're looking for an honest, no nonsense kind of guy, then I'm your man. I've always been a straight shooter -- regardless of whether I'm allowed to carry a firearm or not. Although my first marriage didn't last as long as I would have liked, it did give me a better perspective on relationships as well as four great kids, one with whom I'm still on speaking terms. Above all, I pride myself on my ability to move on with my life. I enjoy spending time in my new "bachelor" studio apartment, which has more than enough room to hold everything my lawyer
(never hire your cousin) was able to get me in my divorce settlement. But as much as I enjoy my quiet times sitting by myself and reminiscing about what might have been, my life would be fuller if I could share it with that one special person. |
|
WHAT
I'M LOOKING FOR
|
|
I don't really
have a specific idea about how you should look. My ex was pretty voluptuous, but I wouldn't hold it against
you for being flat as a board. Besides, that's what implants are for. She also had short hair,
so you could always cut yours. I like a woman who doesn't carry around a lot of emotional baggage.
There'll be plenty of time to talk about your life after I've finished talking about mine. I'd love to meet someone with whom I can create new memories, like spending an evening in my favorite restaurant without even thinking that we're sitting at the table where I proposed to my ex. Or staying at the Holiday Inn where my PI tracked her down. The important thing is that, like me, you want to start a fresh life. It would also be great if you could change your name to Agnes. |
