Advice from a Woman's Perspective

The difference between attraction and distraction

Dear Madison,

I recently started dating after a long hiatus. How long? Let's just say the last time I went to a movie with a man, Cher was more "Moonstruck" than tummy tucked. In the past year I have realized that professional success alone cannot fill the void left in a life without personal companionship. I've lost 112 pounds, have buns of steel wool (got a way to go), and my face is pulled tighter than a snare drum. I feel that I'm now ready to meet someone with whom to spend my 401K years.

I've been meeting a number of people on the Internet, but it's been a numbing experience. When I have a blind date, I sit there in a daze not knowing if I am attracted to the man or not. How do I know?

Dazed in Detroit

Dear Dazed,

You need to awaken the Motor City Mama within you. Your hormones have been in the garage for a long time. You've done a good job polishing up your exterior, but you also need to go under the hood for an emotional tune up. Think about how you felt when you took your equipment for a test run. Remember the excitement of watching the captain of the high school football team strut down the high school corridor? Or, how could you forget the night you spent in your college beau's arms, making love until dawn while occasionally discussing the pros and cons of existentialism? These feelings are still inside you. You just have to get in touch with them and trust your instincts. Nothing has changed in the rules of attraction -- except that your evenings of lovemaking and philosophy will probably conclude after the 10 P.M. news.

Also, don't confuse attraction with love. This is a common mistake made even by the most experienced daters. The last time it happened to me I ended up in five episodes of a reality TV show.

Madison O'Rourke chairs the Spiritual Development department at the Learning Annex in Fort Worth, Texas. She is also the host of the cable-access cooking show, "Mexican Cuisine the O'Rourke Way."