Ask Joy About Cyber Sex

Balancing your virtual and real lovers

Dear Joy,

While using our family computer, my wife accidentally came upon a folder containing approximately 38 gigabytes of e-mail I've written and received over the past year, mostly under the name Jane, a voluptuous stripper and dominatrix from Kansas City. (I'm from Cleveland.) Needless to say, she was shocked, appalled, and sickened. I tried to explain to her that it's perfectly healthy for a happily married man with three lovely children to carry on anonymous cybersexual affairs six to eight hours a day. Unfortunately, she disagreed, threw me out of the house, and has begun divorce proceedings. Can my marriage be saved?

Confused in Kansas City (actually Cleveland.)

Dear Kansas City (actually Cleveland.),

I wish I could tell you that eventually your wife will see the error in her ways and return to you. But alas, I'm afraid the world is not ready to accept the concept of relationships based on indefinable and insatiable urges. As you begin this new phase of your life -- spending endless hours in your new bachelor pad, desperately typing away -- take comfort in knowing that in the chat room of life, you're just a regular guy.

Joy Billington has been addicted to cyber sex since 1997. She has been a licensed psychotherapist in 12 states. Pending an investigation by the Arkansas Board of Medical Standards and Practices, she is based in Guadalajara, Mexico.