Ask Joy About Cyber Sex

Putting the excitement back into drooping fingers

Dear Joy,

My online lover Frank and I have been chatting nine months and have been cyber-sexually active for six. Our virtual lovemaking has been beyond description. He is a tender, gentle, and sensitive man (I think) who has taken me to new levels of excitement. He has told me many times that I am the most sensuous woman whose words have ever appeared on his screen.

Lately though, the excitement seems to have disappeared from our exchanges. Frank seems distant and at times just typing through the motions. I also have to admit that my desires seemed to have dropped off. Is this an indication that our relationship is coming to an end or are we doing something wrong?

Drooping Digits

Dear Drooping Digits,

Fear not. Loss of interest is very common among cyber lovers. Think of all the distractions that can make it hard to concentrate: your job, your family and friends, a real-time sex life. All these things are constantly competing for the endless hours consumed by your obsession. This is bound to cause stress, and stress is the leading cause of cyber-sexual impotence.

Take a deep breath and relax. Perhaps visit a few chat rooms posing as a disinterested eunuch. In no time you'll be itching to log back on at work or when your family has gone to bed. Your fingers will, once again, become flames of passion, flying across your keyboard.

Also, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings with your cyber lover. If he's willing to risk losing his family and job over his obsession for you, there's a good chance he'll make an effort to be aware of your needs.

Joy Billington has been addicted to cyber sex since 1997. She has been a licensed psychotherapist in 12 states. Pending an investigation by the Arkansas Board of Medical Standards and Practices, she is based in Guadalajara, Mexico.