Straight Talk from a Straight Guy's Perspective

Waiting for him to call, and waiting and waiting . . .

Dear Glenn,

I recently met a guy online and, after exchanging e-mails for about a week, we decided to meet in person. We met at a very nice restaurant where "Todd" greeted me with a rose. Dinner was lovely, and we had a very interesting conversation in which I told him about my hopes and dreams, my career as a sausage stuffer, my family with whom I share a lovely home, my celibacy support group, and my ten year battle with a yeast infection. Todd was a perfect gentleman paying close attention to me and asking questions. Except for his job situation -- he mentioned something about possibly being transferred out of town without any notice -- he seemed to be the perfect man for me. At the end of the evening, he said he enjoyed meeting me and would call. We gave each other a polite kiss and parted ways.

It's been three weeks since our date, and I still haven't heard from him. Do you think he'll call? Should I call him?

Waiting in Westerly

Dear Waiting,

Honey, I hate to be the one to break this to you: Not only is he not going to call, he's probably out there playing the field as you read this. This is the point at which you have to decide what kind of player you are in the romance game. You have four types from which to choose:

1. Wait by the phone. A good choice if you enjoy watching the numbers turn yellow on your keypad.

2. Call him until he gets an unlisted number. The favored choice of the truly unperceptive.

3. Cyberstalk him. Not the most popular choice and it's becoming the most frequently-studied behavior at medical schools.

4. Forget about him and move on. Not an easy thing to do but the first step in realizing there are other Todds in the world.

I recommend the latter. I also urge you to change your living arrangements and your job description to "working in the food industry." Also, rethink this celibacy thing, and restrict any talk about the you-know-what infection to "girls night out."

Glenn Buckout has been an assistant relationship coach for ten years under the tutelage of legendary relationship head coach Bernard "Chaw" LeTossey.