Dating in Midlife

Hot flashes from a menopausal momma. Dating in your dotage can be daunting. Let Betty get your mojo out of mothballs.

Betty St. James is a former Olympic shot putter and will appear in Playboy magazine's June 2006 issue, "Women of AARP."

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Dear Betty,

I've been dating the widow of an ex-business partner, a man who cheated me out of small fortune. She's a wonderful woman who knows nothing of her late husband's unscrupulous activities.

When dining out, I always pay for dinner, and she always insists on providing a generous tip. Given that at least half of her money is rightly mine, is there anything wrong with me leaving a 15 percent gratuity and pocketing the rest?

Bamboozled in Baltimore

Bamboozled,

Honey, Jack the Ripper's ex deserves to be treated better than you're treating this woman. I once dated a pinball machine repairman who responded to my contributory dinner tab offers by slapping the table with a roll of quarters. Now that's a gentleman.

If you're really serious about this woman, you need to audit your values. I'm guessing you'll find your character is in the red. If that's the case, I suggest you declare moral bankruptcy and sign up for a spiritual repayment plan.

Dear Betty,

Since my husband died 12 years ago, I haven't given that much thought to dating again. However, recently, unbeknownst to me, my daughters placed a personal ad on the Internet for me. At first I was shocked, but I have to say I'm intrigued and even flattered by some of the responses I've received. What should I do? The last time I was on a date Elvis could fit into a medium-size jumpsuit.

Lyla, Lexington, KY

Lyla,

Dating after a long layoff can be scary -- and exciting. Just remember: The men you'll meet are just as nervous as you. Relax. In no time, you'll be swapping stories about ungrateful children, outrageous condo fees, and botched hip replacement operations.

Dating is like riding a bicycle -- except a bicycle never promises to call you and then forgets about you. But sooner or later you'll find a bicycle with most of its original teeth and even possibly a prostate. Then you'll be thankful for getting back on for another ride.