He Said, She Said . . . Kind of

By Hubert Reading

Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger across a crowded chat room.

At last, here is the person you've dreamed about since you contemplated eloping to Disneyland with your English teacher. Within days, you'll be writing more e-mails to each other than a spaminator spreading the good word about penis enlargement. Meeting the love of your life will never be so easy.

Or will it?

Before canceling your membership on DesperateDuos.com, go back and read some of your e-mails. Does she really "know you," or was it a lucky guess you're a caring sensitive guy? Do you really "give meaning" to his life, or was it something he ate?

The following is an example of the subtle nuances that can make corresponding online more complicated than reading an auto rental agreement.

"Dear Thurston, I never tire of your boyish charm. Most men  your age seem so world weary. I  look forward to the day we finally meet. -- Warmest regards, Condi"
"Dear Condi, Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever  imagined meeting a woman like you. As soon as my digital camera is fixed, I'll send you my picture. -- Yours everlasting, Thurston."
"Dear Thurston, I dreamed we were alone (except for the Secret Service) on a tropical island, two people thankful to have found each other after so many years of searching. And tonight, I will dream I am in your arms and alone no more -- Passionately yours, Condi"
"Dear Condi, I too dream of the day when we will be together. For love is never having to say you're sorry, and what the world needs now is love sweet love. -- Missing you so much, Thurston.

PS: The guy at the camera repair shop says it'll be another week."
"Dear Thurston, I trust business in Zurich is going well. I cried when I got your e-card. I'm a sucker for anything with Garfield on it. Am I being selfish to want to have you all to myself? I have an unquenchable thirstin' for my Thurston. -- Dare I say lustfully yours, Condi "
"Dear Condi, You have made me the man I never thought I could be. When you come right down to it, love makes the world go around, because love is a many splendid thing. -- Thinking of you always, Thurston.

PS: The guy at the camera repair shop now says he'll have to order the part, and it'll be at least three more weeks."

Hubert Reading is a spiritual healer and professional dog walker based in Santa Fe. He is currently writing a book based on his years as Elvis Presley's dietician.